CRAZED YEMENI TERRORISTS WILL ATTACK WITHIN 45 MINUTES, WARNS GOVERNMENT

The government  yesterday raised the terrorist threat level to ‘Hysterical’, for the first time in nearly 5 weeks.

In a speech to the Tavsitock Institute, the Home secretary yesterday hinted ominously of ’alarming levels of chatter coming out of Yemen’.  However, when later pressed as to the nature of the chatter, Alan Johnson was forced to concede: ‘It’s hard to say exactly. I don’t speak Yemenese, but all we know is they’re talking, and they’re talking a lot.  Now some of that talking may well be innocent:  Arranging hairdressing appointments, or making plans to meet up at the local taverna and such-like, but intelligence agencies believe amongst the chatter there may well be plans to blow up airports and maybe even Old Trafford…it’s hard to predict.  But the threat is there, the threat is real. Just because we don’t know the nature or the reality of the threat, doesn’t make the threat less real.’

In a seemingly unconnected move, following the recent failed attempt to blow up a passenger plane by the so-called ‘Pants Bomber’, BAA are considering outlawing the wearing of underpants on all domestic and international flights.