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STRAUSS-KAHN WAS MERELY TRYING TO PROVIDE A VISUAL METAPHOR FOR I.M.F DEBT RELIEF POLICY! May 20, 2011

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Strauss-Kahn: 'The guy from Le Figaro asked me to describe the IMF's sovereign-debt relief policy - then the maid walked in: It was too good a chance to pass up!'

DON’T MENTION BAHRAIN! A new take on a classic Fawlty Towers episode. May 14, 2011

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'For God's sake don't mention the brutal crackdowns in Bahrain!'

 

'I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!'

 

NOW U.S. CLAIMS THEY’VE KILLED AL-QAEDA 2ND-IN-COMMAND!! May 9, 2011

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Apparently Navy Seals have shot and killed Mustafa Al-Barabi in a fire-fight in Eastern Pakistan.

Al Barabi- apparently used a small child as a human-shield before wetting himself and praying for forgiveness. He was shot 5 times.

However a spokesman for the US Special Forces confirmed there is unlikely to be any evidence of the latest high-profile ’hit’  in the near-future:

 ’In accordance with Muslim law’, Terry Mcmanaman told a press conference, ‘ we immediately jettisoned the body into space, and we won’t be releasing  any footage of the incident , to avoid reprocussions. However what I can tell you is this: Al Barabi was planning on hitting major airports and play-creches across America with sophisticated biological devices. ’

 
Despite these completely believable assurances, the Presidents’ team is fullyexpecting a rash of fresh ‘conspiracy theories’ to pop-up on the unregulated internet.  ‘It’s the price we have to pay I’m afraid’ sighed one Presidential aide.
 
But I, for one will sleep a little easier in my bed tonight, in the knowledge that a man I’d never heard of has been shot five times and jettisoned into space. 
 
God bless America. 

‘WE NEED MORE WATER-BOARDING’ DECLARES CHENEY, AMID RUMOURS HE’S RUNNING LOW ON SNUFF MOVIES May 9, 2011

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Cheney: 'It's Time to get Old Testament!'

Since 2009, when President Obama finally outlawed the use of controversial  ’enhanced interogation techniques’, poor Dick Cheney has had to rely on old videos of Guantanamo waterboarding to get his kicks. 

‘It’s been a hard time for him’ admitted a friend and close confidente of the ex-vice-President: ‘He used to have a live-feed that he’d watch down in his luxury ‘bunker’; no one else was allowed in; it was just him and a box of hankies.  I think he misses the live-experience; the whole will-they-won’t-they-survive kick he used to get.  I’m guessing that’s why he’s come out and advocated the reintroduction of such techniques’. 

 
So, with these revelations it does seem as though during his stint as deputy to George W Bush, Dick Cheney really did put the Vice into Vice-President. 

GRUESOME BIN LADEN PICTURE RELEASED BY WHITE HOUSE May 3, 2011

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Bin Laden: Gunned down by navy seals as he attempted to scuttle into his luxury spider-hole

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