KENNEDY SHOT! -AGAIN! May 3, 2010Posted by feedthemoon in Uncategorized.
Tags: general election comedy satire celebrity football kennedy shot assassination
It was Piers Morgan, in the dying minutes of the game who delivered the ‘magic-bullet’ of a pass to Kennedy’s head, and team-manager, Davina McCall watched on in wonder as her talismanic captain expertly directed the ball into the back of the net: making it 1-0 in extra-time to the Entertainers’ Eleven.
This was the second time in as many weeks that a Nigel Kennedy shot had saved his team at the last: At the very last it turned out, as within seconds of their celebrations, the referee blew for full-time, and Nigel Kennedy found himself buried beneath a huddle of celebrating bodies: The celebrity team had made it to the finals of the Veri-Chip All-Comers Cup-Final.
Even Sting, following his recent much-publicised tantric-accident managed to hobble onto the pitch to ruffle that famous spiked hair of the eccentric-violinist and one-time team-mate.
‘That was monster, monster special!’, declared a triumphant Kennedy in his own inimitable and slightly irritating fashion after the game. The only dampener on the day was the news that Nigel Kennedy’s stradivarious violin has been irrepairably water-damaged following the raucous changing-room celebrations that followed; onlookers said Kennedy jumped into the team-bath with it and proceeded to conduct a wild-jig-and-reel whilst being splashed by his euphoric team-mates. The impromptu performance was apparently accompanied by a drunken and naked Rod Stewart on the spoons.
Rumours that celebrity Chefs’ Jamie Oliver and Heson Blumenthal got into a no-holds-barred fist-fight on the coach-trip back to London have not been substantiated. meanwhile, Kirstie Alsopp (co-presenter of Channel 4’s ‘Relocation, Relocation’ programme) is still being held for questioning following rumours of a racially-motivated attack on an Armenian man.
With their team captain performing the way he is at the moment, who would bet against the Entertainers Eleven winning the final on May 8th? If he can just keep his unruly team in check the sky really is the limit, and on this form it would take a carefully orchestrated CIA plot to put this particular Kennedy down.