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UK GOVERNMENT PASSES BILL TO REDIFINE THE WORD ‘PLEDGE’ December 30, 2010

Posted by feedthemoon in Uncategorized.
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From April 2011, thanks to the passing of the government’s ‘Common Sense Bill’ the word, pledge’ has now been officially ‘downgraded’, meaning from henceforth the standard dictionary definition of the word ‘pledge’ will read thus:

Pledge  (n) : ‘A vague hope or fanciful aspiration.’

Nick Clegg (the deputy Prime Minister) seemingly emboldened by the passing of the bill, yesterday made a series of solemn pledges:

‘These are my pledges to you’ – he told a crowd of Lib-dem party-members and activists, ‘-you, the great British public’.

To increasingly rapturous applause he then set out his new pledges for 2011: 

The UK goverment will implement stiff laws curbing the unregulated powers of the financial markets.

We will kick-start the manufacturing base by introducing widespread production plants to manufacture affordable, eco-friendly flying cars.

furthermore we will issue free toffee apples to all UK-based orphans.

As Nick Clegg received the back-slaps and applause of his colleagues and audience, Jon Snow, veteran Channel 4 news-anchor asked of him: ‘And these are actual pledges Mr Clegg?’

‘By any dictionary definition, they certainly are Jon,’  – he responded, smiling broadly.

At which point the Business Secretary, Vince Cable discretely leant across to whisper in his ear. Mr Clegg appeared to take a moment to reappraise the situation before hastily adding:

‘Just ensure the dictionary is a 2011 edition, won’t you Jon.’

And for a brief moment the laughter momentarily drowned out the sound of angry students being kettled by police on the streets outside.

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Comments»

1. Jack - December 31, 2010

wtf


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