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OBAMA CALLS FOR WORLDWIDE PRINTER-CARTRIDGE BAN

Although some bloggers on the more conspiratorial of internet sites have been loudly questioning why suicide bombers would undertake a ‘dry run’ before exploding bombs on passenger flights, President Obama has remained resolute in his desire to make flying unbearable for the average passenger. And as a consequence his stock may just be rising: Media commentators have described his swift reaction to the latest sort-of-threat as ‘impressive’  and ‘statesman-like’.

Obama: Never more impressive than when dealing with perceived threats

Yesterday, in a nationwide televsion address, not only did he call for a worldwide ban on the use and distribution of  printer cartridges but he also listed other potentially dangerous stationery items.  Some of the items that the US President would also like banned from inland and worldwide flights include:

Staple GUN machines

Hole PUNCHERS

Electronic pencil SHARPENERS

Toby Ziegler, Obama’s primary handler said of Obama’s television address:

‘He had air of dignity; of fortitude. The latest polls showed that the American public liked it.  Even my own daughter said to me: “Daddy, the President totally rocked!” -On the basis of that performance I don’t think the mid-terms are gonna stink up the place as much as we feared.’

B.A Boss: 'I underestimated the power of the Illuminati'!

Meanwhile, British Airways boss Martin Broughton has apologised for suggesting TWO DAYS prior to the latest scare that airport security should be eased. A spokesman said: ‘If he had known that the intelligence services would pull a false flag operation this quickly after his comments, he never would have made them.’

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